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Welcome to Girlsgogames.com, one of the best websites for the cutest and coolest online games in the entire world! Whether you love taking care of horses, making yummy meals, or managing your very own virtual boutique, you can participate in all of those activities in our always growing collection of online games for girls.. Also known as GGG, it’s packed full of unicorn games, coloring ... “I hope Girls represents a moment in which it became OK for women to show the full range of their complexity — messy, inappropriate, sexual, having dark urges, or acting like a f**king bitch.” — Lena Dunham. More From Lena Dunham and Jenni Konner. Girls in Marketing is all about bringing together a community of amazing women who are on their way to achieving success in their careers and businesses. In 2001, 15,104 girls were confined in residential placement settings. By 2015, this figure had been cut in half. Girls of color are much more likely to be incarcerated than white girls. The placement rate for all girls is 47 per 100,000 girls (those between ages 12 and 17). For white girls, the rate is 32 per 100,000. JOIN TODAY! Visit the official site of Girl Scouts of the USA—the preeminent leadership development organization for girls. Girls, parents, and alum can join, volunteer, or reconnect. Created by Lena Dunham. With Lena Dunham, Allison Williams, Jemima Kirke, Adam Driver. A comedy about the experiences of a group of girls in their early 20s. A Georgia man has been sentenced to 40 years in prison for coercing more than 100 girls to send him sexually explicit photos and videos. Benjamin Jenkins, 25, also faces a lifetime of supervision ... The scale of this pandemic affects girls and young women in all aspects of their daily lives: their safety, wellbeing, education, economic security, health, nutrition and access to technology. All pre-existing inequalities are made worse by COVID-19. Its impact on girls and young women, who face unique vulnerabilities, needs to be acknowledged ... Browse Naked Girls pictures, photos, images, GIFs, and videos on Photobucket Appointed last year to fill the seat of retiring Republican Sen. Johnny Isakson, Loeffler’s advocacy of the Protection of Women and Girls in Sports Act is the latest reassurance that she intends ...
Sminty Drag Race, S2 E1 "Curtain To Couture" Intro
2020.09.18 21:57 smintydrcp Sminty Drag Race, S2 E1 "Curtain To Couture" Intro
The Winner Of Season 1 Vanity appears. She's standing regally, with the crown on her head !
Vanity : "Time to see the B*TCH who will be joining me in the winners circle! Bring it on girls ."
The first queen enters
Passíon: "Wow, I guess it wasn’t a dream this time?"
Passíon CF: Hi everyone! My name is Passíon Fruit , I'm 21 and I'm from Alabama. I been doing drag for 5 years , I'm also known for my unique and camp but high fashion looks , also good lipsyncing and dancing skills so watch out if I ever hit the bottom! she smiles
Passíon: "Yess I'm the first one, I mean they needed the winner to be here first !" she laughs
A second queen comes strutting in
Satin: "So beautiful and unclockable its a sin !"
Satin CF: Hey there ! I'm Satin Sin , I'm 22 and I'm from Seattle Washington! I’m a very kinda queen and I'm really easy to get along with, unless you get on my nerve then I can become sassy. I’ve been doing drag for 6 years and i’m know for my creativity, mugs, and my performances, I can turn drama and stunts. she winks
Passíon: "Ohhh she's stunning !"
Satin: "Hey girl we are the first two !"
Passíon: "I'm Passíon Fruit what's your name babe!" she smiles
Satin: "My name is Satin Sin you know something cute!" puckers her lips
Passíon CF: I like Satin but girl she has the devil names! I don't know if I want to get on her bad side she'll probably send me down there ! she laughs
A third queen gracefully walks in
Holo: "Hope you saved room for supper, cause I brought..! ..Nevermind."
Holo CF: Bitcch Holo Tachoe is here ! I'm 27 and I'm from Anaheim, CA ! I'm also the first Male To Female contestant who does drag! So there's something unique about me ! she smiles I love to be spooky, but also very campy drag ! I'm extremely happy that I'm here to show anyone can do drag !
Satin: "She's a women bitch!!"
Holo: "Hello everyone I'm Holo Tachoe!"
Passíon: "Wait like hold a taco?" she laughs
Holo: "Yes girl also I'm openly trans women!" she smiles
Satin: "Yess girll!! We love our trans brother and sisters! I'm so excited to see what you'll do!"
A fourth queens walks in
Adam: takes a bite of an apple and spits it out "bitches."
Holo: "Oh my gosh hunny!"
Adam CF: My name is Adam I'm 85. Yes girl I am old as hell but I still serve all day. I also know full well that any day may be my last so I hold NOTHING back! I'm a legend from New York City ! I’ve been doing drag for a ripe 68 years, and I’m known for being the first drag artist to ever perform a live show in NYC. I’m also known for being absolutely addicted to plastic surgery. I wouldn’t be a covergirl if my face looked like a silk shirt that hasn’t been ironed. she looks into the camera and laughs
Satin: "Damn girl how your old ass get here!"
Adam: "Same question for you!"
Everyone gets quiet.
Adam: "I'm just kidding!!" she laughs
Satin CF: Girl Adamn is old ass hell how the hell can she still be here! Like ma this isn't golden girls ! she laughs
A fifth queen comes skipping into the werkroom
Bloody: "I'm british and happy, call me Bloody Merry!" she laughs dramatically
Bloody CF: I'm Bloody Merry 28 years old. I have a very dry sense of humor but is very playful, driven and competitive. I'm from Providence, RI. I have been doing drag for 10 years. I'm also known as a club kid who does alternative comedy performances regularly.
Bloody Merry walks to the girls and introduces herself.
A sixth queen twirls in
Karma: "Karma is a bitch!" she winks
Bloody: "Oooo is she's the bitch of the season!"
Karma CF: I'm Karma and I'm 19 ! Yess I'm a youngster! she laughs I'm also from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil so yeah the first Brazil queen on this show! she does the debby ryan I'm Introspective but sociable, gentle, honest, super charismatic ! My drag is very high fashion in a simple way and my performances are that channel the energy of the song extremely well!
Karma: "Hi girls!"
She gives everyone hugs .
A seventh queen struts in
Sally: "The Teenage Bitch is in the building!"she winks
Satin: "Is that my drag sister!!" she screams
Sally: I'm Sally Sinclair I am 21 years old from Pittsburgh Pennsylvania! I'm a very bubbly person and is really nice however she also knows she Is talented, and isnt afraid of showing a bit of confidence. She is also very much stupid in the best of ways. Also they are very much sarcastic and likes to make some dumb jokes. I been been doing drag for a good 4 years and a half, however they havent performed at an actual show that much. I'm mainly known for being a part of the Fabulous Haus of Sin; and also for being a rising Social Media Bedroom queen!
Sally and Satin runs to eachother and hug .
Passíon: "Wait Satin that's your drag sister?!" she puts her mouth over her hand
Satin: "Yes girl stunning runs in the family!" she winks
Holo: "We can definitely tell!" she snaps her finger
A eighth queen stomps into the werkroom
Kandy: "Want a peice of Kandy babe!" flips brazillian wig
All the girls jaw drops .
Kandy CF : My name is Kandy I'm 21 and I'm from Miami Florida! You might know me from instragram I have a pretty large following ! I'm just so beautiful cause like girl this mug is always beat I'm just pure perfection! she smiles I been doing drag for 2 years ! I'm known for being a look queen and can still go on the stage and turn any song out ! tongue pops My drag is very highfashion but mix with everything ! It's always big hair beat mug ! The outfits are always perfection , Thank you Lea Vuitton! she winks
Karma: "So you're name is Kandy but you're giving me very cavity!" she smirks
Kandy: "You shady b*tch!"
A ninth queen enters the werkroom with confidence
Myriad: “They can leave before their entrance because the winner is already here.” she snaps her fingers hard
Sally: "Oh you better werk bitch!"
Myriad CF : Hey hunnies I'm Myriad and I'm 23 years old and I'm from Los Angeles! I have been doing drag for 5 years. I am known for being a high fashion drag model and for my elegant / extravagant looks. My drag is very versatile I can do anything like Glamour,Horror,Filth,Camp but I can be very extra like reveals and stuff like a go big or go home type of thing. I'm definitely the most prettiest queen here! she smiles
A tenth queen struts in
Klaritea: “Category is: Trans Queen, I hope you boys are ready” she winks
Holo: "YASSS B*TCH!!"
Klaritea: Hey bitches I'm Klaritea 25 and I'm from Los Angeles! I'm a trans queen so definitely here to prove something! she winks Although I only been doing drag for a couple months PROFESSIONALLY! I'm also known for being an amazing seamstress and performer ! I'm a trans Pageant Queen who wears high fashion couture outfits and can lipsync with her flexible body doing splits/kicks/flips etc.
A eleventh queen stomps in and does a feirce pose
Kendoll: "Oh girl it's just a little Kendoll ! " bites fingers seductively
Myriad: "Oh my she's looks like a doll!"
Kendoll: My name is Kendoll I'm 23 , my personality is very high enegetic !! YASSSS QUEEN Realness ! I'm from the beautiful City Of Miami ! I been doing drag for 3 years ! I'm known for everytime I hit that stage I'll give you a mothertucking show ! My drag is very highfashion but still sexy ! I like to look like a modern highfashion barbie when I walk on that stage !
Kandy: "Do I know you girl?" she laughs and gives Kendoll a hug
Kendoll: "Miami Queens In The Haus Hunny! OKURRRRRR" tongue pops
A twelfth queen enters the room
Poodles: "Just like a dog im that bitch" winks
Karma: "ICONIC!!!" snaps fingers
Poodles CF: I'm Poodles Dior and I'm 23 years old!! I'm very LOUD!! I'm also from Puerto Rico!! FIRST LATINA QUEEN YASSS!!! I been doing drag for 4 years so I'm not new to this! My drag comes from many fashion references like violet chachki and miss fame. I'm a bad bitch!
Poodles: "HEY BITCHES IM HERE !!!"
Everyone just stares at Poodles.
Poodles: "OH WERK BITCH A STARING CONTEST!" she stares back
Karma CF: Why is this bitch so loud like damn sis we know your excited but calm down sissy! Thank you she smiles
All the queens are excited and scream "Hiiii Mother!!"
Sminty: "Wow you queens are stunning!"
The queens pose.
Sminty: "For this week mini challenge you'll be pushed into a photoshoot with photographer Mike Ruiz but underwater inspired PhotoShoot!" she smiles
Klaritea CF: "Whew girl it's our first mini challenge let me see who's my competition!" she winks
AFTER THE MINI CHALLENGE
Sminty: "Ok ladies the winner of this week mini challenge is......Karma!"
Poodles rolls her eyes .
Poodles CF: "GIRL I WAS SERVING PURE FISH I SHOULD OF WON THE CHALLENGE!!"
Sminty: "Ladies for this week challenge you'll be selecting a style of curtains and turning them into coutoure and the extra special guest this week is....Charli XCX !
Kendoll CF: Bitch Charli is an fucking icon !! YASSSSS MAMA ! tongue pops
A wall with 12 different curtain, courtesy of The Shade Store , are reveal behind Sminty .
Sminty: "Karma since you won the first mini challenge you'll get to pick first, and then the remaining queens will be left with the rest" she smiles
Karma picks hers and Sminty tells the rest of the queens to go . They all run towards the wall and Poodles slings Satin to the floor to get the curtain she wants.
Sminty chuckles and leaves
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2020.09.16 17:49 quirkyfarticus r/IllegalGirll Lounge
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2020.09.16 04:37 The_Yolo_life Sher, I thought you were real.... “I want a hug” girll bye
Danm the way Sher switch up on Calvin. I was like cackling. It’s now she is trying to show interest. She literally swerve his kiss, what were you expecting that he forgot about it and doesn’t switch on you. I wasn’t a fan of Sher but I was like at least she is real, ig. But after today the girl is fake. I hope her and that fake ass get dump. Ppl becarful of those who say they are always real and honest. Omg that reminds me of Tre he always said that. I think Sher and tre could have match...
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2020.09.15 19:18 BimmyBlocco A-are you a... G-G-G-GIRLL???1??!1!!1! ON REDITT ?!?!?!?
2020.09.14 07:25 mrbeastisthebest Title
let's say, you've been a bad girl. let's say hypothetically, you've been a naughty girl even. ok, and if you were a naughty girll you would also be my dirty little slut right? then hypothetically speaking you would be my little cumslut, now let's say that you're also daddy's girl now that we've established ypu're both a bad girl and daddy's girl, then i believe you's agree with me when i say that you deserve a spanking. am i not correct? a bad girl deserves a spanking and as i am daddy, you are my girl, so i am the one who must provide punishment.
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2020.09.14 05:12 The_Yolo_life I am tired of Moira. This isn’t the show for her
I like Moira. I find her basic and not that interesting, but I still like her. I love her facial expression and how over she is with this shit. But girll this ain’t the show for her. I think she needs to be single for a bit, and figured out what she wants and needs. She needs to learn more about herself.
I was so confuse when she started crying that was so unexpected. I really thought she like Aaron and wanted to give it a shot. I didn’t think she brought him just because he is a great guy and all. Edit: when I mean basic and boring. I mean for reality tv. She seems to be like a real and easy going girl, but she ain’t reality tv material
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2020.09.10 13:38 dimelodsigns French Baby Girll 💦
2020.09.06 21:13 artzy-4fun Coloring in my Anime School Girll Drawing?!
2020.09.06 15:17 CandidWitness9295 20m want to explore more sex after break up but..
Hello everybody im 20m recently had a ex relationshi which didnt last too long i had a problem maintain my erection with my ex so i went and got some chinese enhancements to try i took about 16 in total But i was taking them two at a time and i did not know till after that i ran cross it online that they said only take one in 24 hours but i was taking two they said online do not over go one in 24 hours now im scared i damaged my penis and i want to go have sex but i dont know if i damaged my penis and im so young 20m im so depressed right now just the thought of ruining my life for one girll is killing me
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2020.09.03 21:15 FreeAnalExam My girll
2020.09.01 05:33 marigakuto Mr. Steal yar girll
2020.08.27 04:51 CreeperVulture I will fight a war to prove that Modeus is best girll
2020.08.25 10:32 DisastrousFile5 Day 27 - My relate, and some questions?
I'm Brazilian and started nofap not because i think porn/hentai are affecting my relationships. I started cuz my life are sick in terms of production, insane procastination and low energy, sleeping 10hour+ every day and getting much sleepy in the middle of day.
But i never figure myself that low energy can be a problem because PMO addicition, but i watched some YT vídeos and some articles and think "why not?" Lets start the 90day challenge and see If this shit are ruining my life, i thinked to "If im not addicted, 90 days Will be easy, and If its hard, congratulations i discovered something to recover in my life".
And for surprise of no one, yes ITS INSANELY HARD OMG! the hardest part its the HENTAI. I started watch anime soo Young, and like my otaku característic (im far than a otaku ant-social) but like the anime world, characters, story telling, ALL genres of anime (romance, slice-of-life, drama) and that become part of me, and consequently i started Desire the "Ecchi part of animes" and that developed on a hentai user. I'm still fap and get Desire for porn too, and get excited from girls normally. Hentai its Just a fetish for me plus the ALL genres of pornography.
But when i started nofap streak, hentai urges are the STRONGEST ONES, i started remember ALL BEST HENTAI MANGA PAGES, artists, storys.
I'm thinking to fap ALL day and when they urge, i go to reddit read some nofap relate (to remember the Benefits, and my shit procastination life, and the urges go away). But that urge comes back so many times on the day.
The proof of How hard it's been for me. Every time my mind tryng make some mental malabarisms to masturbate for hentai, and the hardest part its cuz in 27 days i cant feel strong benefits in the procastination, and my mind trying convince me fail/relapse cause this. My mind saying "this doesnt function for ur problem, go and become happy again with ur hentai girls, and perfect big soft bobbies pressed on something".
I really want feel the Benefits in terms of energy and motivation to Works, this Will be my weapon to Win aganist my mind.
I dont want stop watching anime (i really dont want that) but If i like watch the most recomended animes of season, etc. Sometimes the Ecchi triggers me hard, but i still watching cause i dont want stop this hobby of my life.
Here are some questions about my streak:
1- In 27 days i didnt Edge, masturbate and orgasm, but i catching my self searching on Google for an hentai imagem of the anime i currenclty watching, this ocurred like 3 times in 27 days (like 1 minute searching ,i thinked and closed the fastest i can). This count as a relapse?
2- I like asmr vídeos on youtube for relax and sleep, it put me in the mood, before we start on nofap journey i liked the "ear eating" category, and that its a bit sensual and sometimes cause the sounds my friend get hard, hehehe, but i didnt masturbate or watched pornography cause that. Its better i stop listen this vídeos?
3- In Instagram i catch myself admiring some grils butts on my feed, that its a relapse? I unfollow ALL "girll sensual models profile" but i have some hot friends, and friends GF's.
4- Im not feeling strong benefits, why? What i'm making worng? Cuz my mind trying Win above me, because this not helping my energy/Focus problem. What some advice u can give me?
I be glady, If u have any tip for me! Thanks My english are so bad, but i need this answers.
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2020.08.25 09:45 _Sunshine_Kid_ This really just happened.
THIS GIRLL OOOOOOOOO [This just happened and is still happening] T: Them M: Me
T:can I offer for your boots [shadow boots]
MEANIE WHY ARE YOU SO MEAN CRYS
M: how does that make me mean..?
T: YOU COULD HAVE LOOKED AT THE OFFER THEN CANCELED IT [we are not even at tradding we are at sunset]
M:that's what being mean is, saying nft means not for trade and I clearly didnt want to see the offer. So stop being a brat. [I had enough of people acting like this]
T: IM GOING TI REPORT YOU! T: AND IMMA SAY YOU ARE SWEARING T: AND YOUR A BISS >:3
M: I'm scared of a false report? [ I have been reported and the reports work if its not a fake report or they cant find what they talking about]
T: WELL YOU CALLED ME A BRAT SO IM ALSO REPORTING YOU FOR BULLYING!!
M:Ok but you are acting like one so stop then I wouldnt have to said that.
T:REPORTED HAH YOURE GONNA GET BANNED
M: -.- a false report cant do anything.
T: imma just mute you rn!
M:ok stop being a brat while you do that
IF YOU ACT LIKE THIS I HAVE NO RESPECT FOR YOU
And this is a true story :)
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2020.08.20 21:57 callmecoach53 Hypospadias - Any Others Out There?
If you don't know the term: Hypospadias - "A condition in which the opening of the penis is on the underside rather than the tip.
Hypospadias is a relatively rare congenital condition where the opening of the penis is on the underside of the organ. This condition is more common in infants with a family history of hypospadias."
I had this when I was born, and it was repaired in my early childhood, before I can even remember, but I had to walk about with a pee bag for awhile. I didn't really figure out my penis was different for a long time. Think of my had as heart shaped when erect, which my brother made fun of me by calling it "milkbone", because he thought it looked like the dog treat. I have never really been nervous about it, and never had a negative reaction from women when things get physical.
Outside of the doctor, the only 2 times I've heard it mentioned in media are the movie "100 Girlls", and the show "Dave" on Hulu, of which, episode 3 is named "Hypospadias".
In both instances, the characters are terrified of showing women their dicks because of anxiety about how women will react. I find this to be not at all what I have experienced.
Women: Have y'all ever been with a guy who had this? Did you have a reaction?
Men with Hypospadias: What has your experience been like? Was it repaired? Have you had any women freak out when they see it.
Interested in hearing from others about this.
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2020.08.19 23:56 miggins1610 Rhythm Of War Prologue and ch 1 readthrough
Here we go. I wasn't expecting to get here but here we go! Check out my predictions post if you're interested. It's super long but i think it's quite fun.
Good old Navani. Always staying calm and stoic in the face of stress!
Hmm. What's Asuedan up to eh?!
Ooh a master Antifabrian. I can't wait to discover more about fabrials further into the book!
Haha she's starstruck. That's hillarious.
Oof. That's a damning comment on Asuedan from Navani lol.
Boxes of Spren? What's he on about there?! Fabrials?
Wow. Asuedan really was a bit of a nasty character. Wasn't just Yelig Nar's corruption!
Oh i bet we know why Gavilar wanted the ardents hehe.
Oh dear. Dalinar at the wine. Eeek. Its kinda weird to see old Dalinar after it was dealt with a lot in OB.
Hang on. A stewrard with rings. A terrisman?!
Wait wait. There's a Fused called Rine and now there's a highprince Rine? Bit weird. Is Brandon running out of names😂
These uncommon figures. Are they the Heralds?!
Are we ever gonna find out what Vev's golden keys are?!
Soon Navani. Soon you shall have allll your dreams! Married to Dalinar, you'll be able to work on Fabrials to your hearts content, you'll help translate the dawnchant, you'll have Jasnah as a monarch, a dead son, a battle against Passion, the kingdom you helped build, overrun by enemy forces. Hmm on second thoughts maybe not😂😂
Hmm. What's her ancient lineage?! Did we know of this before?
Oof. Dalinar's eyes simmering with passion eek. I wonder what Dalinar would be like during sex if one of the unmade increased his passion👀
Wait is Gavilar talking to someone about being able to move the Heralds back and forth between Braize? Or maybe the Fused.
The box? What the hell is the box?! And what's the Connection? So confused rn eek.
Omds. Haha. I love how Brandon has to put in that there is nothing magical to the distortion around Gavilar cus he knows we're gonna pick every little bit apart.
Ok maybe not the Heralds then. But the Fused didn't exist back then. So what goes back and forth to Braize?! The one guy is definitely Nale, but the other guy idk. Not Taln. So either Kalak or Jezrien and I'm gonna bet its Kalak.
Ok these must be Voidlight in those gems? With the violet? Not too sure on that though.
Gavilar is unusually good at picking up people snooping at doors. He did it with Eshonai too.
Good old Ash reference there.
Hang on. Did Nale know of Szeth's coming?! Edit: after looking back at the WoR prologue i remembered Jasnah heard Kalak reference it.
Omds. Yikes. Their relationship really was on the rocks eh.
Threats. Storms. What an awful man Gavilar was. Good storming riddance i say.
Wow. This stuff with Jasnah too. A royal prick. Literally 😂
Real full of himself huh. Defined by greatness. Gimme a break!
Yess..go on Navani. Slaaaaaaay girll.
Ouch. Gavilar really hitting the nasty truths here.
Hmm. Found the entrance to the realm of gods and legends. So he found a perpendicularity? Or does he talk about this box?
Wow. Ok that's mad. She prayed for his death and then he's assassinated. That's gotta cause some guilt! Eek.
Hmm. Gereh. Gereh the Terrisman. Don't notice anything too unique about the name.
Father of storms and mother of the world. Cultivation and stormfather.
Oof. Where are these spheres then?!
Cool. We get a Lirin POV. Nice!
Ooh this is Navani on Fabrials. Awesome. This seems to be about attracting Spren to a Fabrial to trap them.
Wait wait wait. Why is he on about espionage?! Has Lirin become a spy lol!
Oh nooo. Their town is overtaken by the enemy. Oh no :(
Well cetainly a testament to the Herdazian spirit that they didn't give up. Even though it's meant a bunch of refugees.
Ooof. I wonder who this man who authored suffering is.
Oh poor man. Tied to a tree whilst his wife is taken. He knows what's gonna happen to her and that must be awful to see her taken and be able to do nothing.
Abiajan. I like that name. She seems ok too. Makes a good point.
Omds. Its funny she says that its superstition the plague isn't caused by Spren.
Oof. A plague. Wow. And Sanderson started writing this like a year before Covid?! I wanna learn more of what goes on with this growing plague eek.
Ooh we like Laral's strength. Its a sign of good character.
Could this be the Herdazian general we saw before in the Interludes?!
I understand Lirin's position, but storms does it bother me.
Uh oh. I know this is probably a fakeout but storms im tense haha. I want them to escape!!
Oh dear. What would a Fused want with Lirin. Eek.
Wow. Ok. That's quite a dramatic end to that chapter! Lirin doesn't even seem to want his son around anymore! This is really sad even if i understand his reasons.
Well that's it for tonight. Pretty tired so I'm gonna read the rest tomorrow!
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2020.08.16 04:02 Lolo_plays My fur baby whose now 2. HAPPY BRITHDAY GIRLL!!!
2020.08.14 12:37 bluecollar-dragon Help Me (25M) manage this Savior Complex and Long Lasting Dilemma with 3 Years Relationship
Hey Reddit i'm super new here and i hope i'm not doing wrong for my first time so here it goes.
I've been through this relationship with my GF
(24F) around 3 years on a college, at first i'm just doing it because of curiousity she's fell for me first so i thought why not give it a try. She's an ignorant girl with maybe i could say (plain) point of view towards life even i can categorize it as nihillistic and having a very bad moodswing and anger issues. All she's doing is playing social media and have no interest towards any specific activity (some of it or her previous hobby and now she's bussy with works plus study so she's not even bother) and the thing is it's opposite 180 degree from me we're not on a same page about lot of things, we got different hobbies, point of views towards relationship and valuing friendship. But we're on a same page about moral value, and she said she's admiring my thought towards life dynamic. And i've got more material advantages compared to her, she's an orphan with blue collar culture and receiving lot of cold hand treatment as a child (don't get me wrong about the blue collar perspective that's the most interesting thing about her for me).
On the first year i've been through alot for example because she's got very small circle and bad at maintaning her peer circle, she's demand more of my pressence. at some point she wanna break up with me because we're gonna reducing time we spend together (because we've living together for almost 6 month on relationship) at some point i felt she's isolating me from my peers and things kept getting nonsense some of my habit (at this point got a really bad self control towards gaming i can spend 3 days in a row without sleeping and ignoring all my responsibilities) she's trying to get rid my addiction with rage and argument, at this phase she's demanding me with lot of a stuff. But yeah it's a first year i've been thinking about break up but i've got this ego for not let her end this because i'm starting this and feeling have a responsibilities to maintain my relationship as good as possible. So in this phase i'm nodding to most of her demand.
But i'm still enjoying living with her because she's accepting me with my procastination and all we do is slacking off all day. At this phase she's admiring me because my point of view regardless my bad habit, and from the 4th month i felt that there's lot of character that very horrible for example. She really like to doing verbal abuse and physical abuse to me, she's evading arguing and left the problem blending with a thin air, she's so lazy to do thinking when it came to argue it ends up she's only using silent treatment when we've got a scene. And the worst thing is it makes our agenda shifting in a lightspeed, when she's upset even a very important works wont matter at all. At this point i'm take it all and hoping her to understand by herself that this kindof things are wrong it's better happening to me because i can understand her but not everyone. I can forgive her but i never thought any person would apologize her with the bad attitude. at least not as lightly.
She's not so trustworthy with commitment that i'm start to doubt her. She can feeling bad about doing the wrong thing but when it came to me she thought i could forgive her anyway. Making her comfortable doing this and that thing, even GF admitting that she's indeed a difficult person. Knowing those kind of things gonna backfire her alot i'm trying to take it all by myself.
At this point it's so easy for her to leave a problem without solving it, even if means breaking up to left the problem. I've been hanged like 5 times because of many varieties of problems some of it are my mistakes but most of it are because she doesn't want to give a fuck about solving the problem at all.
On the second year things become more different, i'm introducing her to my families because i thought it's good for her at least i can give her a lost feelings about having an family. There's a swing on this years, my financial condiiton were freefalling and now we can't slacking of everyday we need to get some money for our ass. So we've doing a lot of job project together, i'm really enjoying it because it becomes my first experience with this kind of job. And at this point i'm trying to accomodate herstudent loan all i ask is her to finish her study ASAP but things goes opposite. She's can't get focused on her study and wasting an opportunity i'm giving to her. On this point i'm doubting her integrity on many things.I really like how her point of view towards me slow but sure swifting and understand me more and giving me compassion that's diifferent than other else. But i can't deny the difference thing on us, it felt like i'm just floating on this relationship without serve my interest more, and at this point now her peer circle r mine to vice versa. At this point to she's admitting that she's kinda bored with the relationship, she's missing this picking up guys sensation and more. There's a big thing happened here she's interested on a Stranger and keep contacting him, i never bothered if she's have male friend i'm not even jealous because i trust her and thinking that it's her responsibilities to keeping her shenanigans in this relationship. And the time comes, i've been arguing with her because she's interested to this Stranger Guy. So i'm getting mad and i'm arguing with her, at the end i told her if she's gonna choose me or him. And BOOM she ditch me for this new Guy. I can't help it but shaking my head. And the thing is she's admitting that she's just kindof curious with the Guy she's just want to play around him for spicing up her boredom. Knowing that i'm kinda upset but accepting this things. She's breaking up with me and having relationship on this Guy only in 3 months before she's exhausted because his new BF were too possesive 180 degree different from me. I'm super chill and she's saying that's one of my best qualities (?) and So i'm asking to her too if i could picking up other girls just like she does. And she said okay.
At this 3rd year things kept getting better for us, somehow we've adapted to our financial condiiton so we've not stressed out just like before. But there's something happened, my sex life with her were not so good at any point, both of us kept unsatisfied with our sex. I can accomodate it with jerking off but she can't handle it. So one night she's going back to her relative home for few days outside the town (somekind of big families house) and i'm on our crib trying to manage how to nurturing a 8 month cat with her 3 babies. The Cat is really stressed out and i'm getting frustated for not knowing how to handle it. I'm asking her for come to our crib but she said she's not in her home for long time it's gonna be hard to leave at this moment. So yeah i'm trying to handle it and it so frustating for me. After manage to get the kitties dozed off i'm curious what she's doing so i'm tracking her device (i'm following her with this privacy thingy) i'm using google find my device and surprised because i found her phone at a Motel. i'm calling her but she's denying saying that maybe the app got laggy but i'm persistent to make a videocall. she's keep denying it and at the end i managed to make her admit what she's done. She's having an affair with a stranger one more time. Knowing that i got this strange feeling i'm crazily mad with her because the betrayal but i dunno i'm starting to feel numb towards her. After she's come to our town she's admiting that and apologize (you know the drill). I'm on this phase of don't give a shit anymore bout the relationship but i'm pity her more because her lack of self control and the fact that she's loves me even what she's doing r the contrary. So i forgive her because of the pity, i've got this thing with pitying other poeple i've got no courage to break someone's heart and knowing how many times i've spend with her how many commitment and her things with my families (my father treat her like his own child).
After that affair the super weird things strat to happened, now i'm becoming less of me and more like her (with the temper, anger issues, and apathy) and she's being opposite (she's the calm, forgiving, and trying to understand just like me at first). Around April 2020 I've met this Girl
(25F) on dating apps, even tho i never met her irl i'm really enjoying our talks, i really do. it's a thing i've never found with my GF, i'm craving for this girl more and more, our talks become more intense even now i'm greeting her at morning and have a many talks that i really enjoy because we're on the same page on most of things. I'm strating to having hope to get out from my relationship because this Girl are the one i'm looking for, do you know how it feels when you found out your dreamgirl? yeah that feels.
I'd made a pact with my GF about stranger on dating apps i think she wouldn't bother my talks with da Girl. The thing is she's not she felt inferior towards The Girl
she's mad and upset because she knows she cant become this kind of girl even tho she's trying that hard. And she's asking me to stop my things with this Girl, but i'm refusing it. After all this time i've found this Girl i really found my sanctuary or a new fresh start from this contradiction maze. She said she's feels so jealous with her and because of that i'm saying ok with it. I'll end my talks with The Girl. But i can't control it i'm sneaking up and hiding my talks with The Girl until one day my GF knowing that and asking for the last time to end this what she's thought shenanigans with The Girl. So i'm saying i'm better to have a talk with The Girl (only talks) even it means to break up with GF. She's became so upset that she's trying to reach out to this Girl. And suddenly The Girl sent GF message she's upset for not knowing i'm on a relationship and she won't talk to me again because GF ask her to do so.
I apologize to The Girl for not telling her the truth about me in relationship (technically i'm not lying because we never talks about relationship to each other, we're really enjoying our talks that it doesn't matter anymore). And because i'm afraid that The Girl gonna ditch me i'm trying explaining her like the details i told on first paragraph to you guys (and i don't think she read it or take an attention at all) plus that i've got Savior Complex*
*Savior Complex, makes you attracted to vulnerabilities, trying to fix someone and often looking them as broken thing. it end up draining you alot and makes you frustated because you felt responsible for someone at all cost. https://www.healthline.com/health/savior-complex#how-it-affects-you
Savior Complex really struck GF alot, growing up as an orphan she's been through alot with how people look her as a pitiful and helpless person. How she's got most of her compassion not because her personalities but because her tragic life story. She really hate when someone take pity on her. GF getting hysterical and it's the most upsetting thing i ever saw on her, she's become nuts and having serious trust issue with me. She's so mad knowing that what kept this relationship on board is a pity. And because of this GF rooting a vengeance to The Girl. If The Girl never exist in a relationship GF won't knowing that harsh cold sharp fact. And i keep arguing that this is not The Girl fault it's my fault for not saying it or for ignoring her feeling kept make her jealous with the talks.On the next day The Girl agree and i'm having a normal conversation again. My GF said ok too at first saying that she's trying to understand my needs of talks because she can't accomodate it. And suddenly My GF changes her mind and asking me to block The Girl contact, i should doing it because if i'm not i'm afraid that My GF gonna approach her again and breaking my promise to The Girl.
So she's took my phone and blocked The Girl. Now it's been 2 week since i blocked the girl i'm kept thinking about The Girl even tho My GF now r getting better and better. It just like her redemption for what she's done to me at past. She's trying to knowing me better, trying to put more effort towards my interest and she's now super nice. I Love my GF. But ii've got this feeling for The Girl. On this day i put my courage to unblock the girl just to unblock, but now The Girl is blocking my numbers, and all my social media. I felt really bad and wrong to her, she must be very mad that i ditching her all so sudden even without a goodbye i can't even explain that i've been thinking alot about her. i won't say it rightaway tho must be makes her uncomfortable.
I really want to be with The Girl but i've got no courage to break GF heart and with GF very good attitude and showering me with a love i just can't do that. To make this clear i'm really in love with my GF but i'm in love with The Girl to. Even tho i don't know about The Girl but i really-really want to just to be with her even tho as a friend. and become a friend is impossible too, knowing that GF got this kind of PTSD with her.
There's a line from Oddisee that keeps me thinking a lot about this relationship :
If we love each other, but we can't stay together
We'll do worst than better,
gotta go kind
And that's love
But then again I really don't know what should I do, or even considering this relationship as what. Should I giving a hope on GF finest attempt or I'm betting on The Girl even tho it's kinda impossible? The point about The Girll is i really comfortable with her i just want to knowing her more. I'm not high hoping about relationship all I want is a freedom to do a thing i really want to do and i really need?
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2020.08.09 04:50 miggins1610 Oathbringer ch 82 to 87
Suprise!!! As is the inevitable, 1 chapter turned into reading till 4am to finish the part! Man what a ride. Anyway, enjoy!
Rip. Clearly their plan either didn't work or failed to stop the war. Little ominous its the final emerald. Like they were so hopeful but we know what ended up happening!
Omds, 100 people she's tried to be?!! This has gone wayyyy beyond what is healthy.
Ouch. Hearing all the deaths again via GA is gut punching. All these people dead and she blames herself. We haven't even gotten to her confronting Kaladin about Heleran yet!
Yayy we love Wit. This is gonna be interesting!
Good, those gang leaders got what they deserved. I wonder what else Wit has been up to. But its nice that he cares enough to sort this out with Shallan.
There we go! Another bit of Wit's wisdom, concerning failure. It's very true that if we never fail we have never tried and never fully lived.
Eek. Shoving it with everything she ignored. Girll you gonna explode at some point!
Oof that's the story Shallan told earlier! So beautifully written by Brandon.
Huh that's interesting. We've never seen Wit need help with investiture like that before. Unless Wit has manipulated it so he can see the full extent of her lightweaving abilities?
Interesting there are slight differences. I feel like Wit tells it from personal knowledge of the time so I'm keeping a keen eye out for any particularly obvioua differences and meanings.
Hmm idk about that. I think Art does have a function since it is designed to elicit certain emotions or thoughts from people. That is a function. But i digress!
Well this is certainly a kinder and more relateable Wit than we've seen before!
Wow. That's an fascinating origin for Stormlight. I don't think that was in the earlier telling of the story.
Well who would've thought it! Wit a therapist! Some very beautiful sentiments in there. I really liked ' accept the pain but don't accept you deserved it'. Really resonated with me.
Yess! It's a process, but its on the way! My one minor concern so far it appears there is a pattern emerging. Have one book of pain and come to a breakthrough point, then a resurgence or something related to it comes up to cause more pain in the next book, but it gets resolved and then the character although never fully healed, can love with things. I could see this happening with Shallan as its happened with Kal. Followed a similar pattern so far. As much as i felt sometimes it was too much part of the story in WoR, Kal's issues have gone the other way a bit imo in OB. I would hate to see such detailed explorations and then after 2 books each character essentially becomes fine .
Here we go. The sanderlanche begins!
The perfect gems. I wonder why they the perfect gems. Why Honor's drop. What did he drop?!! So many questions lol.
Yay. We love to see a return to talking to the shardblade. Adolin seems to really care for it.
Well i wouldn't kill anyone, but also Sadeas deserved it😬 i still worry for Adolin though. When will Aladar find out!
Lol. What a weird way to thank her Elhokar by half threatening her but not intending to. Lol.
I wonder where Re 'Shephir went.
Omds its all kicking off! Attack and storming the palace! And if Moash is with the Fused still he might meet Elhokar! That's gonna be, um, interesting!
Is that Beard talking about Kaladin lol?
I wonder if the stones have ACTUALLY changed colour. Probably not. But here we go!!
Oof. What the heck is that monster?! Is it something we seen in a vision before?
Woah he like deflected the boulder. Cool!
Ooh i realised what the thing is. Its like a stone giant from the prologue. The thunder thingies. 😂 i can't remember the proper name rn.
I can't remember what that means that the skin went ashen grey from Vivenna's sword. Leaving them lifeless?
The shield wall description reminds me of the Roman shield turtle tactics!
Man these spren really have them in their grip if they have like zero emotion at the pain.
Wow. Windstance is madly powerful if used in the right way clearly.
Is Vivenna putting her cloak on her arm so she can awaken it?
Man Sanderson piling on the hints lol with these colour metaphors.
Oh so she didn't kill all of them. Locked them up! But how did she choose which ones to kill and which to lock up?
Oh no. He's hearing the spren too now. No mistaking it not being for Odium when they mention Passion!
Epic Kal returns! We love epic Kal!
Storms. This feels TOO easy. What's gonna happen?!
Oof hype hype. Two Unmade. Lets go!
Aha. A stoneward! Maybe we knew it before but i certainly forgot if we did, that Feverstone is near Rall Elorim. I wanna learn about what's up with that place. Everyone says how bad it is. Guess maybes we'll find out mostly in Lift's book.
But why would the Fused be so focused on the city? The city is already under Odium's influence so surely stopping the good guys is the priority here and then they can focus on fully taking the city after. Makes me think something is going on here.
Lol Syl. Commander sir Yes sir!
Aha i notice the sneaky missing Shalash! I hope we meet her soon to figure out what's going on with her. We know she's mad yes but the specifics from her pov. And i also wanna figure out where Amaram is holding Taln!
Omds. The singing totally makes this feel like a siren situation
A parshman heart. Interesting.
Oof. I feel like she's gonna need something else this time. Especially with two of them to fight!
Oh so she acts like nothing is wrong?!
Uh oh. What horror lies behind the screen?!
My heart thumps rn. This is so so tense!
Holy moly. Is the kid dead and they like chewing on his corpse? But he was laughing so he's not dead. And how can he suddenly kill a spren all of a sudden? Is it cus it fits into the perameter of his oaths? Wow. That spren was so creepy with the hands. It just went back to shadesmar?
Oh. My. God.
Ok so the kid is alive but bonded too i assume? She's bonded with the Unmade and now we know Gavilar found one of the Unmade. Oh that is so interesting. Now i wanna see Asuedan in the next prologue and hints of what was to come!
Wait wait wait. Is there THREE spren in Kholinar now? So we now have met the thrill one i can't remember the name of, Sja - anat, Ashertman, Re Shephir, Yelig- nar. 4 more to go!
Oh flip. Wit is here now! That's awesome. I wonder how he gets in here. Yes we know he's got like every power almost but like the specifics.
Huh. Thats cool it just went but shes right. She didn't really do anything!
Oof Sja - Anat. Hype!
We find it awesome when Kal runs along the ceiling. Storms Sanderson knows how to write an amazing epic scene.
Oh no Sah. Don't kill Sah :(
I really wanna know how they were 'unmade' but still live. And she has a son? Eek. Is this just manipulation?!
Woah. Is Sja-Anat on their side now?! THAT'S a twist for sure. She really meant it when she said she wasn't their enemy!!
Oh wow. This is really impactful. Curses Sanderson for making us care about EVERYONE!!! I can totally imagine this scene in an adaptation. Really hitting hard this is.
Oh no. Not Beard! Nooooo.
that scene has just wrecked me. I've never cried at a book before. Killing Sah and then them all like killing eachother and feeling Kal's horror. Wow. It just broke me. But then hope. And the music swelled and i was sooo ready for Elhokar to transform to radiant. And then out of nowhere Moash comes in. And has the audacity to do the b4 salute afterwards? Honestly it felt a little like the Gandalf death scene in FOTR with Adolin having to grab Kaladin and basically pull him away. This is just so much. The queen with the spren is fascinating info but then we have this. Storms it's emotionally wrecking. I can't imagine what it would've been like to read this as a beta
Full disclosure- that above paragraph is my offical in the moment reaction. I couldn't put it down. Thats what i sent to the 17th shard discord channel after i read it. Now im gonna go back after discussing and having a drink and a little bresk cus its so intense.
So what really hit me was all of Kaladin's 'friends' killing eachother. I felt the impact of it and i cried a few tears. I NEVER cry and this is the first time ever for a book. Well done Sanderson. You've successfully crushed me.
The sketch i assume thats the one Shallan had of him earlier?
But man its so CRUEL to give us that devestating wanton death and then give us hope a little and then destroy it in a second.
And now the queen has transformed into a parshman form sort of? So this is what the humans on their side must've looked like in the past desolations.
I totally got FOTR Gandalf death vibes from Kaladin just watching this death and Adolin having to drag him away basically.
And Moash doing the salute. Fuck off! I'm not sure which camp i fall into yet as Sanderson has shown us really well how its not always simple who is good and who is bad. Moash thought he was right and storms he has reason to want to murder Elhokar but to do it and in that way? Gonna have to think about my team choice. Is there a middle way? Not he did nothing wrong but not Fuck Moash either?!!
Ok well this isnt very helpful lol. Foresaw what? The recreance? Dunno who it is saying it either.
Oh this is just kicking them whilst they're down! They lost their king, their friends, and now their city to the enemy. Storms this is depressing!
I knew the voidbringers left them too easy!
Storms. You're gonna regret this Adolin i bet.
Oh now that is just trolling! So the fourth Windrunner ideal is about NOT helping people?
Yeah Evi's death didn't hit me like i.thoguht it would. I was expecting the kinda reaction i had to Elhokar's death!
Eek. This is very raw stuff from Dalinar and it really does feel real.
Yes! Why now?!!! Why are his and Lift's boons/curses lifting now?!!
Oh so we finally know! His boon was to be able to lie about ?
Uh oh. Charmed by the mad psycho Taravangian.
That's T for ya. Lacking hope or life! Though i can't say i disagree with him on this even though i want to! It's logical.
Oh storms. Please be safe. I can't take anymore heartbreak.
I still wanna know who the Sibling is and who the other bondsmiths are gonna be! This is a Dustbringer it seems. Just before the recreance perhaps.
Oh flip. They're in Shadesmar? What the heck?!
A woman with blue white skin. Hmm. I can't think of who this could be rn.
Love Vivenna's line. If the colour and awakening references hadn't clocked you on yet, you would've at least figured out she was a worldhopper from this! What an ending. How the hell did it take them to Shadesmar?!!
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2020.08.06 21:14 kidamado YourRage Reacts To Juice Wrld All Girlls Are The Same, But In The Bathroom At A Party (Emotional)
2020.08.06 21:13 kidamado YourRage Reacts To Juice Wrld All Girlls Are The Same, But In The Bathroom At A Party (Emotional)
2020.08.06 08:43 Induvati A Journey To Motherhood A Loss & A Ray Of Hope To See Her Again
Being a biological mother the search for my daughter was legal all along. A daughter, who was a love child primarily and later I realised there was no love existed either for me or for my daughter and that is the reason behind the illegal adoption of my daughter inspite of the fact that she was a legitimate child still unwanted by my in laws including my husband.
Well I must go to a little deeper. I and my husband were in love when we were in the same class in the Kolkata University. Both of us belonged to the upper middle class family with education & culture. in time we get close and I became pregnant. I was in tension that we were unmarried and there was every possibility that our parents will get furiously angry due to the society face loss and all since we were unmarried, most importantly my baby will become illegitimate if we dont marry before the delivery of my child. The charecter of my husband ( read lover) was peculiar ,he was submissive at that point of time, some times eager to make me feel that everything is ok, sometines making comments like you should abort the 'thing', i was aeriously confused about him, but I was very strong and stubborn on my point that we love each other, our respective families know that we love each other, yes we made a mistake, but we will marry then we live happily everafter. But life is not a fairy tale being a tensed mother with a tender age (21) I forgot the reality or overlooked it. As I said my lover was a peculier person sometimes he behaved like a good human being or he felt it is better to handle me cleverly or he was spineless or (still i am confused about him) something more intelligent, I told him that we should get married before we tell about my pregnancy to our parents. He firstly tried to convince me to abort the baby. Even he escorted me to a clinic where the doctor said it is difficult to abort especially when the mother is happy with her pregnancy. Even they warned him not to try for abortion as i was carrying for five months. It will be fatal. As i said I was very strong on my point i was sure whatever may be the case I will never abort the baby, no doctor will abort it without my consent, now after doctors confirmation I became more strong on my point and pressed my lover for emergency marriage. he had no other option We simply filed application before the area marriage registrar and after one month on 10/4/1996 got married before the Marriage Registrar in front of the three witnesses who were our class mates. Those friends only knew our parents became hostile against our relation thats why we got married without their knowledge but they did not know about my pregnancy. Well, I became extremely happy my life was getting beautifu. After our marriage and lunch party with friends we returned back to our respective houses. That was my six and half months of pregnancy. The delivery month according to that abortion clinic doctor was getting close rapadly but my husband was getting unnerved it was seeming like he couldnt gather strength to tell his family about our marriage and the 'reason '.I was just becoming opposite of my huband, strong, reasonable and more convinced that what I am doing is right, but one thing I must cofess here that I needed to tell my parents everything but I did not do that, i thought if i tell them they will charge my husband or his family the happy relation will get strained, thats why I kept mum and was waiting for the day my husband's confession or f my baby's birth whichever is earler. I was sure everything will be fine after my baby 's delivery . Again I took wrong decision, if i would tell them, i think it could be better.
Here I must mention about my physical aspect during pregnancy . All along i was very fit inspite of the fact that I was healthy above average, fat and short. So I was chubby fatty and pregnancy did not make me more fatty. I was fit so no body guessed that i was pregnant, not even my mother. More importantly i didnt take any medical help, any medicine, injection or extra care and my husband was indifferent about my health. i was clueless what i should do or shoud not do during pregnancy. I just knew i was going to deliver my child soon. one day when we were in the class my husband told me that his parents got to know about our marriage, the several times they asked him why he got married secretly, but my husband told them nothing. I asked him why he didnt tell them the reason, it was an opportunity to tell them the truth. but he didn’t answer. After a few days my husband arranged a tour with his ftiends for relaxation. I was surprised and asked him about his indifference he answered you are going to deliver baby thats why I have to stand all the time in one leg? I didn’t quarrel with him but that day I was sure that he doesn’t have any emotional attachment with our baby. He left the town for seven days and i was in exstream tension because that was the nine months running. I was feeling very tired all the time, the climate was very hot with much humidity. I was feeling sick sometimes but there was no one to tell all the thing. I just prayed all the time so that my baby stays secure. My husband came back from the tour but his home phone becomes out of order.
That was a gloomy night. Round about 12 midnight I felt that I need to go to the toilet, I felt a lower abdomenal pain as if I have an acute stomach upset, I was trying to clean my stomach but saw it was blood. Suddenly I realised oh god is this my labour pain? I am going to deliver baby now? I clean myself with water and returned back to our bed room where my parents were sleeping peacefully. I remembered there is no other phone which is in workable condition at my husband's house. I was standing near the wall and thinking what i will tell to my parents, my father was in his 60s retired, diabatic, I dont know if he has ready cash in his hand, mother was very fond of my husband, after hearing the issue what she will do, she will scream or cry I was crying silently in pain and tension almost for two hours. I had no strength to call them to say please take me to a hospital. Roughly at 2.30 am (25/6/1996) I gathered strenth to call my mother becauce I was suffering a severe pain in the lower abdomen with blood discharge ' Ma wake up, please' Mother was upset ' what happened? Ma, I am getting labour pain, what? you are getting what? Ma, i will have a baby, i am getting labour pain, please call baba to wake up, i need to go to the hospital right now. I was the only child of my parents but at that point of time I was giving them a treamandous hearbreak or shock, but it was destiny, I never felt that i would abort my baby all along it was my wish to give my baby the light of life '. I took all curse all tension all pain within me only for my baby's good. Baba woke up, I explained him the situation in short and told him that we got married, i have a marriage certificate, baba said keep that certificate with you, will show them if asked for. He took some cash, with him then we three left home at 2.40 am.
I was unable to walk properly on the road, at that stage of crisis, because i was feeling that something big is coming out from me so I was walking just like a Penguin , there was a severe pain inside my stomach and the female organ. My baby 's head i suppose was coming out. I was trying very hard to keep balance, I may injure my baby by chance. Just on time like a god 's gift a taxi was passing through us, baba screamed, a Sardarji was sitting on the driver seat, baba asked him please take us to the nearest nursing home, my daughter is having labour pain.. He agreed. But it was a mess because I was unable to sit straight it may injure my child. So i was trying to adjust myself accordingly. Mother was continuously weeping, baba was silent. Our residence was in central kolkata, there was a nursing home beside a cinema hall, inside a short lane. We entered the nursing home the nursing home receptionist refused to take me inn after consulting the authority, because they dont take this kind of 'hazards'. My situation was rapidly deteriorating I was feeling very tired, i was screaming in acute pain, but they didn’t bother. Then again we walked down the street, a footpath man told us there is another nursing home just opposite lane of the cinema hall. The man was sitting on the footpath outside the nursing home he was shocked watching my situation and guided us about the location. I saw my pain on his eyes.
After we reach the second nursing home I became so much sick i slept on the bench reserved for the patient party the pain was uncontrollable. My mother was screaming and weeping to the receptionists ' my daughter will die, pls do something call the doctor. The receptionist called the nursinghome owner who was a lady doctor, she restrained them to admit me. I was literally sinking. Suddenly i heard the sound of lift, a lady in white came and called me touching my head hey girll wake up, come with me. The receptionist asked her not to take me with her but she said I cant let her die. she is sinking already. She took me with her to the OT and instructed the nurses what to do with me. All of them became busy with me. They were charging injections, medicines and the lady the gurdian angel was asking me a few things regarding my pregnancy. No anesthesia nothing in the entire delivery process I was feeling all the pain., because there was no time for effect of anesthesia. The mothers who have experience of normal delivery must be knowing that during delivery doctors need to cut the flesh and after delivery they stitch it. All this process I felt without anesthesia i was screaming, as if a mother of the stone age was giving birth of a baby. My lovely Daughter was born healthy fit and fine at 3.30 am. I was extremely happy and forgot all the pain just looking at her face.
My daughter's face resembles her father. The next morning my husband came to see us in the nursing home. I have a friend who stays near the house of my inlaws. i gave his number to my parents to inform my husband any how. So he came and i found him happy to see her daughter. He paid all the hospital bills. He told me that after getting the Information he told his mother everything through his elder brother. So, she will call me in the nursing home. i was extremely happy. I was very hungry and sleepy too after so many days. I was shocked next day when the head metron took my daughter from me and said you will not going to keep her with you? oh god, she is very unfortunate girl, I said why not? She is our baby why should we left her? I thought is she mad or something? The next day my mother in law called me there, i took the telephone after walking a few steps from my cabin, she said how are you? evrything will be alright. come back home safely, i sad yes aunty, then she said dont take her with you while coming back. I said what you are saying aunty. She said firmly that both of you are kid, you didnt perform social marriage , no body knows that you two are married. it will be a face loss if you take the baby, for our family and for your family also. i have a daughter, so I cant take risk. i have to give marriage of my daughter also. So come back home alone. I cut the phone line. My whole world became dark. I returned back to my cabin and saw my husband was sitting there. I asked him directly was that his plan? He said what to do, mother is not ready to accept the baby, she said after a few years we will have a big fat marriage, the social one, after that we will have lots of babies. But now my sister is there we have to give her marriage so we cant accept a child who has no social seal. I told him you sister is in seventh standard now, her marriage will take place atleast after ten fifteen years. My husband said, i cant do anything please understand . i requested him to tell his father once, but he rejected by saying i cant tell him about this baby. I was devastated. I became silent. The next morning when my parents came to see me, I requested them to anyhow keep the baby any where they want, so that after a few days i can adopt her by telling everyone that the baby is not mine but of somebody else or whatever I requested my parents to keep her in an orphanage so that I can take her after few days but they rejected my request saying your inlaws are not accepting her, you are already got married, how can u keep her without their consent. For your security we cant keep this baby. I said i dont want my security. To give her light i took so much pain, when she is with me how can I.left her? My mother said you are not well and exstreamly sick due to insufficient medication food and care during pregnancy you cant keep her alone a few months. where to keep her? I was hearing nothing and only crying. In the evening the owner of the nursing home, a lady doctor, came to see me, he checked my physical condition and told me see you are very weak, you need proper care, please go back to your place, we will take care of your baby, i had a conversation with your husband, we will arrange the best possible place for your baby, I am assuring you. I cried and said that I want to keep her, she replied that is not possible no body wants her except you. Fortunately we have a punjabi dr couple from abroad who are searching for a baby, I contacted them, they will take her and adopt her as their own child. she will get a good family it is my assurance. I am feeling very sad for you but I have seen so many cases like this, your baby is very lucky that she is getting ready made parents otherwise babies like this get only Orphanage Care. '' The ownedoctor left my cabin. I was sitting and crying had no clue when they will take her, when i will be discharged from the NH. I was searching my baby but they refused to give me if i become sick by crying thats why. The next day morning I came back home, before leaving the nursing home i didnt cry. I saw my baby was crying, i blessed her by saying you have to become very strong and big. The nurses were cursing me by saying if I am a witch. how can I left my baby this way. My husband was distributing money to the staffs of the NH. I dont know the reason. for our baby's birth or for giving up?
The life became as usual theafter as if nothing happened . I contacted the lady doctor rwice but she refused to give the details of the adoptive patents of my baby. Everything normal but our relationships became cold. My husband realised that I dont respect him. In 2002 again we got married socially due to family pressure. After a few months I got to know that he has an affair with his colleague. I tried to adjust but failed. In 2010 I took divorce by mutual consent, he was primarily opposed it but I was stubborn. During my marital life we had no regular physical relation, still I conceived once, but I got a miscarriage. I requested him to take a baby from orphanage but he refused to take. My husband never uttered a word about our daughter. After getting divorce I started to search my daughter on my own on different sites. Four years back I got my second baby. My father expired last year. Now I stay with my mother and my little angel. Being a mother this life is dark without my elder daughter. If my story reaches her or anybody who can give me her whereabouts I will become the happiest mother. I really really love you my child, you were not at all unwanted by your mother. I never left you. You were always there. May God Bless You With All Happiness My Child. ❤
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